A Misconception About Choice and Homosexuality

Continuing my posts inspired by the recent protests against Chik-fil-A...

I had lesbian tendencies. During my addiction to porn, I liked the lesbian videos just as much as I liked the other videos. And it was, indeed, my choice to indulge in such passions, even though they never ultimately made me happy.

Of course, most homosexuals would say that their sexual tendencies are not a choice and that they are, indeed, happy with who they are. And, to a certain extent, they would be right. But let's look at this in a bit more detail.

Choice. What does it mean when we say a person has a choice when it comes to LGBT lifestyles? There was a time when I automatically thought of the lifestyle, personality and action all as choices. And, in one sense, they are. If someone holds a knife up to your neck and tells you to choose not act on your homosexual tendencies, you do have a choice to either die or change. But such a choice is not really a free choice, as it's a forced one. Still, the situation in theory allows for the idea that a person can choose not to act on those tendencies.

But if that person does what the guy with the knife orders, does the person in himself really change? No. His or her tendencies and personality remains the same at core. We cannot force a person to change, and thus, this theoretical person could be posited as being "born this way."

That said, at the heart of Christianity is a realization of the fact that we are fallen, imperfect human beings who ask God to change our hearts through a lifetime of transformation. Catch that? It's not an immediate change. Most of us will deal with our sins and temptations for the rest of our lives, even after recognizing them as wrong. I still deal with attraction to other females. I still deal with the temptation to think about or look at pornography. And some might say I was born with that tendency. I've had it at least since I was very young. But I've chosen not to act on those tendencies.

You see, you always have a choice. And that choice does not lie in what you feel you are. It lies in what you do.

I also think many Christians fail to realize that you can have the personality of what people stereotype as a homosexual personality and still be straight - still love the Lord - still be a Christian.

Are you ready for a purity ring? Things to consider when buying a purity ring.

Are you ready to commit? 

I thought about buying a purity ring several times before I finally bought one, and I'm glad I waited. It was not until a desperate moment in which God changed my heart forever that I knew I needed to change directions, empty my Amazon.com basket, and buy a purity ring. When I got the ring in the mail, it came with a small card for me to sign as a commitment to living a pure life. Do not sign that card, do not put that ring on, unless you are ready to commit. Otherwise, nothing will change,  you'll kick yourself every time you fail, and the ring will lose its meaning to you and likely become a reminder of your failures rather than of God's transforming grace.

Does the verse on it mean something to you?

There are a lot of options out there that just have symbols on them, and that's perfectly fine. But I chose a simple ring with a verse on it because of the reminder I knew it would provide me beyond just having something solid on my finger. My ring says "Create in me a pure heart oh Lord." It reminds me of an old worship song I once sang as a child. "And renew a right spirit within me." This is the prayer of my heart. Having it next to me 24/7 creates an amazing reminder of that prayer when I am tempted.

Do you have a purity ring? How has it helped you?

What are your questions as you consider buying a purity ring?

After the Addiction: Dreams and Nightmares

I think it's about time I got real on this blog. I've been posting a lot of intellectual, doctrine-focused posts because that's what my heart is after, and I'll continue to post on those things, but I started this blog as a resource for those dealing with addictions, and it's about time I got real and talked a bit more in detail about my personal stories (more to come).

Last night I had a nightmare. Not like the kind you have when you're a child and wake in the night to screaming - to yelling for your parents. No, mine scare me far more than that, but they keep me silent. Far worse than those back to school nightmares I so often have, the nightmares I really hate, the dreams I had last night, involve sex. My past, although dealt with, is so much a part of me today that I just can't seem to get away from it completely. My parents have told me that our temptations never go away all together, even with a changed heart, and we just have to learn to deal with it and say no to the sin. After all, it's not a sin to be tempted - just to act on temptation.

Originally, back when I was still dealing with my pornography addiction, my sexual dreams just peeked my interest and drew me back in. Ever since I made a solid commitment with my purity ring, those dreams have changed slightly. They're still sexual, but it's almost as if Satan knows he has lost and thus has opted to put aside tempting me in exchange for reminding me of my past and taunting me for my inability to control my dreams.

Let me stop you right here if you're having similar dreams. You have no control over your dreams. If you dream about sex, you are not sinning in your sleep, no matter how real it seems. Satan is attacking you, and you need to guard your mind. The best we can do is turn to God before and after we go to bed, making sure we always have His word on our minds when we fall asleep.

I had one of those terrible dreams last night. It always seems so real. In the dream, I'm myself thinking about sex and dreaming about sex, and I look at my purity ring and tell myself I've failed and then go on with thinking things I hate. Last night, in particular, felt more real than usual. I woke up feeling torn, like a failure. I had to remind myself that it was only a dream and that I cannot let Satan win. I must push on, as must you. 

Have you ever had any similar dreams? Are you sinning in your sleep? What steps do you take to clear your mind and keep from dwelling on something that is not real?

Introduction: Admitting the Truth and Living with Purpose

This Blog: My Anything

Have you ever gotten really excited about something, only to have the idea wear off and to have fear or laziness kick in? That's why all of my previous blogs did not last. I still have those roller coaster emotions about this blog. It could be Satan trying to deter me. It could be my own fears and lack of self confidence. But as I've moved through and past my own issues on to other issues, I can't help but think God must have a plan for me — a plan to use my faults for good.

I recently finished reading the book "Anything" by Jennie Allen. In short, Allen writes about her own journey that led her to offer everything to God. I can't help but wonder what my anything is. What do I have to give? I know the step Allen encourages will take courage and faith. I don't know if this blog is my anything. But something has pushed me to start it, despite my reservations.

I am addicted to pornography. Why is that so hard to say?

If you haven't guessed already, I deal with an addiction to pornography that started when I, a female from a Christian home, was very young. Only with the past few months have I finally come to grips with my addiction. I reached the very bottom of the pit, and God pulled me out at a crucial moment. I'll share more on that in another post.

I do still struggle with sexual temptation. I feel darkness around me at night, and I am sure that demons from my past have followed me. I have explicit dreams that I have no control over. But I fight. And as I fight, other issues still weigh me down, literally. I am an overweight woman, obese and unhappy with my body image. I want my body to be a temple for the Lord, but struggle with a food addiction. You'll probably find some of my blog posts have as much to do with gluttony as any other sin.

Blessed Assurance: Hope in the Middle of Sin

But one thing remains key in all of this. As I grew up struggling with my sexual desires, I always knew my actions were wrong. I believed in Jesus Christ as my savior. I went to church. But I often woke up in the middle of the night wondering if my parents had been raptured. I was confident in my faith, but not  in my salvation.

My journey has led me to a solid understanding of salvation in Christ. I am blessed and assured. If I had died in the middle of my sins, I would have gone to heaven. That's not to say I would not be held accountable for my actions, but I would go to heaven because I was saved in Christ, and you cannot lose true salvation.

That is the main point of this blog and any future book I might hope to write. If you believe in Christ, repent of your sins, and strive to follow God, to give your "anything" to God, you are saved, even if you do fall every once in a while. In fact, we all sin. We sin everyday. But Christ came to save us. Because of Him, we have "Blessed Assurance."