A Misconception About Choice and Homosexuality

Continuing my posts inspired by the recent protests against Chik-fil-A...

I had lesbian tendencies. During my addiction to porn, I liked the lesbian videos just as much as I liked the other videos. And it was, indeed, my choice to indulge in such passions, even though they never ultimately made me happy.

Of course, most homosexuals would say that their sexual tendencies are not a choice and that they are, indeed, happy with who they are. And, to a certain extent, they would be right. But let's look at this in a bit more detail.

Choice. What does it mean when we say a person has a choice when it comes to LGBT lifestyles? There was a time when I automatically thought of the lifestyle, personality and action all as choices. And, in one sense, they are. If someone holds a knife up to your neck and tells you to choose not act on your homosexual tendencies, you do have a choice to either die or change. But such a choice is not really a free choice, as it's a forced one. Still, the situation in theory allows for the idea that a person can choose not to act on those tendencies.

But if that person does what the guy with the knife orders, does the person in himself really change? No. His or her tendencies and personality remains the same at core. We cannot force a person to change, and thus, this theoretical person could be posited as being "born this way."

That said, at the heart of Christianity is a realization of the fact that we are fallen, imperfect human beings who ask God to change our hearts through a lifetime of transformation. Catch that? It's not an immediate change. Most of us will deal with our sins and temptations for the rest of our lives, even after recognizing them as wrong. I still deal with attraction to other females. I still deal with the temptation to think about or look at pornography. And some might say I was born with that tendency. I've had it at least since I was very young. But I've chosen not to act on those tendencies.

You see, you always have a choice. And that choice does not lie in what you feel you are. It lies in what you do.

I also think many Christians fail to realize that you can have the personality of what people stereotype as a homosexual personality and still be straight - still love the Lord - still be a Christian.

Esau was a Food Addict

OK, so maybe the title of this post was a bit off, but it cuts right to the point of what I want to say.
In Genesis 25-26 we meet Esau and Jacob, sons of Isaac. We learn that when Esau came home hungry one day, he sold his birthright to Jacob in exchange for a warm meal. He must have been really hungry, or at least thought he was!

I know that's one of my major problems as a food addict. I don't go through an entire bag of m&ms in one sitting, but I sure do snack a lot. And I quickly fall into depress when I realize just how much I've eaten in a day and just how unlikely an improvement in my health is if I continue this way.

I'm just like Esau, giving up the better life for the satisfaction of the moment. And this doesn't just apply to food.

How often do we put aside God's better plans for our own?

After the Addiction: Dreams and Nightmares

I think it's about time I got real on this blog. I've been posting a lot of intellectual, doctrine-focused posts because that's what my heart is after, and I'll continue to post on those things, but I started this blog as a resource for those dealing with addictions, and it's about time I got real and talked a bit more in detail about my personal stories (more to come).

Last night I had a nightmare. Not like the kind you have when you're a child and wake in the night to screaming - to yelling for your parents. No, mine scare me far more than that, but they keep me silent. Far worse than those back to school nightmares I so often have, the nightmares I really hate, the dreams I had last night, involve sex. My past, although dealt with, is so much a part of me today that I just can't seem to get away from it completely. My parents have told me that our temptations never go away all together, even with a changed heart, and we just have to learn to deal with it and say no to the sin. After all, it's not a sin to be tempted - just to act on temptation.

Originally, back when I was still dealing with my pornography addiction, my sexual dreams just peeked my interest and drew me back in. Ever since I made a solid commitment with my purity ring, those dreams have changed slightly. They're still sexual, but it's almost as if Satan knows he has lost and thus has opted to put aside tempting me in exchange for reminding me of my past and taunting me for my inability to control my dreams.

Let me stop you right here if you're having similar dreams. You have no control over your dreams. If you dream about sex, you are not sinning in your sleep, no matter how real it seems. Satan is attacking you, and you need to guard your mind. The best we can do is turn to God before and after we go to bed, making sure we always have His word on our minds when we fall asleep.

I had one of those terrible dreams last night. It always seems so real. In the dream, I'm myself thinking about sex and dreaming about sex, and I look at my purity ring and tell myself I've failed and then go on with thinking things I hate. Last night, in particular, felt more real than usual. I woke up feeling torn, like a failure. I had to remind myself that it was only a dream and that I cannot let Satan win. I must push on, as must you. 

Have you ever had any similar dreams? Are you sinning in your sleep? What steps do you take to clear your mind and keep from dwelling on something that is not real?

Hank Hanegraaff Answers: Does Repetitive Sin Mean We Aren't Save

Hank Hanegraaff has a wonderful explanation for those who question whether they are really saved. In the video below, he notes that you can keep slipping on board the boat, but you can't slip when you're already sinking. You can slip on board, but you do not want to slip overboard. Your salvation is not based on your feelings. It is based on the promises of God. Watch the video below for more.

Headaches and Addictions: The Real Cure

Addictions are like headaches. Sometimes they start our small and grow bigger until you can't handle the pain any longer. Other times, they sneak up on you and blast your head with nonstop pounding.

You could take some medicine to lessen the pain. But there are many different headache relief options out there. You could choose the wrong one. And then there are those of us who ignore the ibuprofen, as we think we can duke it out on our own.

But we can't. We can't get rid of temptation and sin through our efforts alone. We need the right medicine. We need God. It's only through him that we can triumph over evil.

Introduction: Admitting the Truth and Living with Purpose

This Blog: My Anything

Have you ever gotten really excited about something, only to have the idea wear off and to have fear or laziness kick in? That's why all of my previous blogs did not last. I still have those roller coaster emotions about this blog. It could be Satan trying to deter me. It could be my own fears and lack of self confidence. But as I've moved through and past my own issues on to other issues, I can't help but think God must have a plan for me — a plan to use my faults for good.

I recently finished reading the book "Anything" by Jennie Allen. In short, Allen writes about her own journey that led her to offer everything to God. I can't help but wonder what my anything is. What do I have to give? I know the step Allen encourages will take courage and faith. I don't know if this blog is my anything. But something has pushed me to start it, despite my reservations.

I am addicted to pornography. Why is that so hard to say?

If you haven't guessed already, I deal with an addiction to pornography that started when I, a female from a Christian home, was very young. Only with the past few months have I finally come to grips with my addiction. I reached the very bottom of the pit, and God pulled me out at a crucial moment. I'll share more on that in another post.

I do still struggle with sexual temptation. I feel darkness around me at night, and I am sure that demons from my past have followed me. I have explicit dreams that I have no control over. But I fight. And as I fight, other issues still weigh me down, literally. I am an overweight woman, obese and unhappy with my body image. I want my body to be a temple for the Lord, but struggle with a food addiction. You'll probably find some of my blog posts have as much to do with gluttony as any other sin.

Blessed Assurance: Hope in the Middle of Sin

But one thing remains key in all of this. As I grew up struggling with my sexual desires, I always knew my actions were wrong. I believed in Jesus Christ as my savior. I went to church. But I often woke up in the middle of the night wondering if my parents had been raptured. I was confident in my faith, but not  in my salvation.

My journey has led me to a solid understanding of salvation in Christ. I am blessed and assured. If I had died in the middle of my sins, I would have gone to heaven. That's not to say I would not be held accountable for my actions, but I would go to heaven because I was saved in Christ, and you cannot lose true salvation.

That is the main point of this blog and any future book I might hope to write. If you believe in Christ, repent of your sins, and strive to follow God, to give your "anything" to God, you are saved, even if you do fall every once in a while. In fact, we all sin. We sin everyday. But Christ came to save us. Because of Him, we have "Blessed Assurance."