A Misconception About Choice and Homosexuality

Continuing my posts inspired by the recent protests against Chik-fil-A...

I had lesbian tendencies. During my addiction to porn, I liked the lesbian videos just as much as I liked the other videos. And it was, indeed, my choice to indulge in such passions, even though they never ultimately made me happy.

Of course, most homosexuals would say that their sexual tendencies are not a choice and that they are, indeed, happy with who they are. And, to a certain extent, they would be right. But let's look at this in a bit more detail.

Choice. What does it mean when we say a person has a choice when it comes to LGBT lifestyles? There was a time when I automatically thought of the lifestyle, personality and action all as choices. And, in one sense, they are. If someone holds a knife up to your neck and tells you to choose not act on your homosexual tendencies, you do have a choice to either die or change. But such a choice is not really a free choice, as it's a forced one. Still, the situation in theory allows for the idea that a person can choose not to act on those tendencies.

But if that person does what the guy with the knife orders, does the person in himself really change? No. His or her tendencies and personality remains the same at core. We cannot force a person to change, and thus, this theoretical person could be posited as being "born this way."

That said, at the heart of Christianity is a realization of the fact that we are fallen, imperfect human beings who ask God to change our hearts through a lifetime of transformation. Catch that? It's not an immediate change. Most of us will deal with our sins and temptations for the rest of our lives, even after recognizing them as wrong. I still deal with attraction to other females. I still deal with the temptation to think about or look at pornography. And some might say I was born with that tendency. I've had it at least since I was very young. But I've chosen not to act on those tendencies.

You see, you always have a choice. And that choice does not lie in what you feel you are. It lies in what you do.

I also think many Christians fail to realize that you can have the personality of what people stereotype as a homosexual personality and still be straight - still love the Lord - still be a Christian.

Introduction: Admitting the Truth and Living with Purpose

This Blog: My Anything

Have you ever gotten really excited about something, only to have the idea wear off and to have fear or laziness kick in? That's why all of my previous blogs did not last. I still have those roller coaster emotions about this blog. It could be Satan trying to deter me. It could be my own fears and lack of self confidence. But as I've moved through and past my own issues on to other issues, I can't help but think God must have a plan for me — a plan to use my faults for good.

I recently finished reading the book "Anything" by Jennie Allen. In short, Allen writes about her own journey that led her to offer everything to God. I can't help but wonder what my anything is. What do I have to give? I know the step Allen encourages will take courage and faith. I don't know if this blog is my anything. But something has pushed me to start it, despite my reservations.

I am addicted to pornography. Why is that so hard to say?

If you haven't guessed already, I deal with an addiction to pornography that started when I, a female from a Christian home, was very young. Only with the past few months have I finally come to grips with my addiction. I reached the very bottom of the pit, and God pulled me out at a crucial moment. I'll share more on that in another post.

I do still struggle with sexual temptation. I feel darkness around me at night, and I am sure that demons from my past have followed me. I have explicit dreams that I have no control over. But I fight. And as I fight, other issues still weigh me down, literally. I am an overweight woman, obese and unhappy with my body image. I want my body to be a temple for the Lord, but struggle with a food addiction. You'll probably find some of my blog posts have as much to do with gluttony as any other sin.

Blessed Assurance: Hope in the Middle of Sin

But one thing remains key in all of this. As I grew up struggling with my sexual desires, I always knew my actions were wrong. I believed in Jesus Christ as my savior. I went to church. But I often woke up in the middle of the night wondering if my parents had been raptured. I was confident in my faith, but not  in my salvation.

My journey has led me to a solid understanding of salvation in Christ. I am blessed and assured. If I had died in the middle of my sins, I would have gone to heaven. That's not to say I would not be held accountable for my actions, but I would go to heaven because I was saved in Christ, and you cannot lose true salvation.

That is the main point of this blog and any future book I might hope to write. If you believe in Christ, repent of your sins, and strive to follow God, to give your "anything" to God, you are saved, even if you do fall every once in a while. In fact, we all sin. We sin everyday. But Christ came to save us. Because of Him, we have "Blessed Assurance."