This Blog: My Anything
Have you ever gotten really excited about something, only to have the idea wear off and to have fear or laziness kick in? That's why all of my previous blogs did not last. I still have those roller coaster emotions about this blog. It could be Satan trying to deter me. It could be my own fears and lack of self confidence. But as I've moved through and past my own issues on to other issues, I can't help but think God must have a plan for me — a plan to use my faults for good.
I recently finished reading the book "Anything" by Jennie Allen. In short, Allen writes about her own journey that led her to offer everything to God. I can't help but wonder what my anything is. What do I have to give? I know the step Allen encourages will take courage and faith. I don't know if this blog is my anything. But something has pushed me to start it, despite my reservations.
I am addicted to pornography. Why is that so hard to say?
If you haven't guessed already, I deal with an addiction to pornography that started when I, a female from a Christian home, was very young. Only with the past few months have I finally come to grips with my addiction. I reached the very bottom of the pit, and God pulled me out at a crucial moment. I'll share more on that in another post.
I do still struggle with sexual temptation. I feel darkness around me at night, and I am sure that demons from my past have followed me. I have explicit dreams that I have no control over. But I fight. And as I fight, other issues still weigh me down, literally. I am an overweight woman, obese and unhappy with my body image. I want my body to be a temple for the Lord, but struggle with a food addiction. You'll probably find some of my blog posts have as much to do with gluttony as any other sin.
Blessed Assurance: Hope in the Middle of Sin
But one thing remains key in all of this. As I grew up struggling with my sexual desires, I always knew my actions were wrong. I believed in Jesus Christ as my savior. I went to church. But I often woke up in the middle of the night wondering if my parents had been raptured. I was confident in my faith, but not in my salvation.
My journey has led me to a solid understanding of salvation in Christ. I am blessed and assured. If I had died in the middle of my sins, I would have gone to heaven. That's not to say I would not be held accountable for my actions, but I would go to heaven because I was saved in Christ, and you cannot lose true salvation.
That is the main point of this blog and any future book I might hope to write. If you believe in Christ, repent of your sins, and strive to follow God, to give your "anything" to God, you are saved, even if you do fall every once in a while. In fact, we all sin. We sin everyday. But Christ came to save us. Because of Him, we have "Blessed Assurance."